11/30/2004 05:13:00 PM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|
Here is another prime example of faulty logic at work - I'll see you at the end.

ATHENS, Ga. - A high school principal apologized Monday for reading a poem called "The New School Prayer" over the school's intercom, which brought complaints from some parents who said it violated the principle of separation of church and state.

Tommy Craft said he wanted not to promote religion but to provoke thought and discussion among students about the changing political climate in school when he read the poem the Tuesday before the Thanksgiving break.

"I apologized to them today in another statement," Craft said. "I said that there was no attempt to individualize or to bring ridicule on any particular person with the poem."

The poem, which has circulated on the Internet since at least 1992, is written in the rhyming style of the children's prayer that begins "Now I lay me down to sleep." It refers to prayer not being allowed in school, although students can "dress like freaks, and pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks" or "elect a pregnant Senior Queen."

The poem mentions the ability to get condoms and birth control, as well as study "witchcraft, vampires and totem poles."

"But the Ten Commandments are not allowed, no word of God must reach this crowd," the poem says.

Some parents have complained to both Craft and the Clarke County School Superintendent Lewis Holloway.

"Basically, I found the poem offensive, but even if I didn't, I still would believe it crossed the line between church and state," said Ginger Smith, whose daughter is a junior at Cedar Shoals High School. Holloway said the district had received "several calls" from people who were upset about the poem. He would not discuss any action taken against Craft.

How very nice, the poor man was only trying to indocrinate our little ones - what's wrong with that? I like how he said he wanted to provoke thought about the changing political climate in school, but not promote religion - and how do we do this? By reading a completely one-sided religious poem with an overarching religio-political message. Let's take a look at the actual poem - we'll talk later:

THE NEW SCHOOL PRAYER

Now I sit me down in school

Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.

If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.

For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.

We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,

And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.

We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,

And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's "inappropriate" to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such "judgments" do not belong.

We can get our condoms and birth controls,

Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.

It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!

AMEN

How cute. You may be tempted to say "awww, that's sweet" but let's take a closer look at this message that this principal chose to read to the whole school.

According to this, the writer (supposedly a 12 year old kid) is equating school prayer with coloring your hair, wearing "freaky" clothes and piercing yourself - so praying in school is a statement of personal style. No one has said they can't wear crosses or anything like that - just no institutionalized religious indoctrination every morning.

Moving on, apparently one of the benefits of school prayer is the elimination of teen pregnancy, although apparently condoms and birth control are bad things here (and presumably so is abortion). So how does that work exactly? I'm going to guess that praying in school is some kind of ecclesiastic prophylactic. But let me clue in you kids at home, praying that your girfriend isn't pregnant doesn't work - although I like the idea of a "Jesus is my condom" bumper sticker.

It seems like another benefit of school prayer is the ability to be right all the time. According to this poem - people who pray in school have absolute authority over what is right and wrong and get the added benefit of sitting in judgement over anyone who doesn't think the exact same way that they do, which I guess includes anyone who is pierced, tattooed, wiccan, native american, studying mythology or folklore or having sex.

The thing that drives me crazy is the unwavering self-rightious evangelism that allows these folks to get indignant and scream persecution because they can't preach or "witness" to every single person on the planet.

I'll tell you what, on the day that the green haired, pierced cheek, totem pole worshipping pregant "senior queen" gets on the schools P.A. to promote her "wrong alternative lifestyle" and has every kid in the school recite her manifesto, I'll vote for equal time for school prayer.

I love the fact that the writer is feeling completely oppressed, but what these folks don't seem to get is not that their dogma is NOT being squelched, but it's having to share time with everyone else. Both because separation of chruch and state means that the state can't promote religion - and for you kids in the audience - holding up a religious dogma as the only acceptable path IS promoting religion - no matter how nicely framed it is.

The whole point is that there is room in the world for everyone's beliefs and lifestyle. And that means all people are equal - so the blue hair people, wiccans, buddhists, freaks, geeks, sluts, virgins, christians, hindus, satanists and everyone else are free to do what they like as long as it doesn't infringe on anyone else. So you are free to worship Jesus as you please, but you just can't broadcast you dogma exclusively over the loudspeaker every morning. The only way to allow prayer in school and be fair is to give equal time to anyone and everyone who wants to do their own commercials - and since that is not possible and probably not a good idea anyway - then nobody gets free airtime.

The main problem I see is twofold - first the belief of these fundamentalists that says their way is the ONLY right way and anyone who doesn't beleive like they do is not different, just WRONG. Now, if you add in the second part which is that not only do these folks think their way is the only right way, but that it is their mission to convert every human on the planet to their way of thinking, then you get an over-zealous recipe for conflict.

So in conclusion:

To the kid that wrote this I have two things to say - 1. try pulling your head out of your ass and reading some comparative religion books and 2. shut the fuck up.

And to the rest of the fundamentalists; the world is not yours to command, so meditate quietly and mind you own goddamn business.

Here endeth the lesson.


|W|P|110185273965440291|W|P|The poor christians are being unjustly impeded in their global domination effort again.|W|P|11/30/2004 6:03 PM|W|P|Blogger Lotus|W|P|"Amen and hallelujah" brother!
Or is that "Blessed Be" brother.
Or "May Allah bless you with many camels"
Or ....12/01/2004 7:18 PM|W|P|Blogger The Lone Rangers|W|P|Your a very angry individual.12/02/2004 6:02 PM|W|P|Anonymous Anonymous|W|P|Aint freedom of speech just a bitch10/14/2005 3:24 AM|W|P|Anonymous Anonymous|W|P|Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!

I have a Health blog. It pretty much covers Dieting Health Fitness Exercise related stuff.

Come and check it out if you get time10/14/2005 4:11 AM|W|P|Blogger Admin|W|P|Great blog, keep up the good work. Glad to see sites like this.

Here is another good site I said I would pass along.
Disney Cruise
Thanks11/29/2004 01:05:00 PM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|
Thanksgiving. Having returned from the Thanksgiving holiday, I thought we could devote a little time to talking about this interesting holiday.

We all know that Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks for those people and things that we are grateful for. Personally, I'm thankful that I have some great folks to read all the stuff on my site. I used to be thankful that I lived in a free country, but we all know that's been going out the window for some time now. Then I heard someone say that Thanksgiving was "The Lord's Day" REALLY!???! Now I'm all for giving thanks, and if you want to thank whomever you pray to for everything they did for you, then that's fine by me, but let's not steal yet another holiday in the name of the Christian god. They already stole Christmas from the Mithraists and Easter from every "pagan" religion since the dawn of man(the non-gender man of course). In my recollection of sanitized history, I don't recall god, Jesus or anyone else from the church showing up in Plymouth with a sack of groceries. The only way I can see Thanksgiving being a Christian Holiday is if they can claim credit just because it happened on god's watch so to speak. Ah, but since god is an all knowing, all seeing entity that controls every speck of cosmic dust in the known or unknown planes of existence, then god can claim responsibility for anything and everything that ever happens ever (how convenient!)

However, I am not surprised since the Christians are co-opting just about everything else in this country on behalf of their deity, so we shouldn't be surprised to see this one going too. So enjoy them while they last, because if you aren't even going to have control over your own body, mind or thoughts anymore, your holidays should be going down without a fight.

Speaking of fighting, I nominate The Fourth of July as the next holiday to be annexed by Christendom. If I recall, that was the day that Jesus destroyed the British and delivered The United States into the hands of the chosen people (not the Jews, silly...no not women either...wait, not blacks...hmmm, not Native Americans, they're mostly wiped out by by this point...not Latinos...certainly not gays...definitely not anyone Muslim, Hindu or Buddhist - so the chosen people must be Rich, White, Christian, Male Slave Owners). I'm sorry Rich, White, Christian, Male Slave Owners is not very PC, so let's call them something else like... Conservatives.

Meanwhile, back at Thanksgiving, the natives were getting restless.

I'd like to end with this little piece that I found on the Playahata newsletter(props, yo!):

"In mid-winter 1620 the English ship Mayflower landed on the North American coast (at Plymouth Rock) delivering 102 Puritan exiles. The original Native people ("Indians") of this stretch of shoreline had already been killed off in great numbers. In 1614 a British expedition had landed there. When they left they took 24 Indians as slaves and left smallpox, syphilis and gonorrhea behind. That plague swept the so called "tribes of New England", destroyed some villages totally.

The Puritans landed and built their colony called "the Plymouth Plantation" near the desired ruins of the Indian village of Pawtuxet. They ate from abandoned cornfields grown wild. Historical accounts tell us that only one Pawtuxet named Squanto had survived. He had spent the last years as a slave to the English and Spanish in Europe. The Pilgrim crop failed miserably, but the agricultural expertise of Squanto produced 20 acres of corn, without which the Pilgrims would have surely perished. Squanto spoke the colonists' language and taught them how to plant corn and how to catch fish. Squanto also helped the colonists negotiate a peace treaty with the nearby Wampanoag tribe, led by the chief Massasoit. These were very lucky breaks for the colonists. Thanks to the good will of the Wampanoag, the Puritans not only survived their first year but had an alliance with the Wampanoags that would give them almost two decades of peace. In celebration of their good fortune, the colony's governor, William Bradford, declared a three-day feast after the first harvest of 1621. It later became known as "Thanksgiving", but the Pilgrims never called it that. The "Indians" who attended were not even invited. The pilgrims only invited Chief Massasoit and it was Massasoit who then invited ninety or more of his "Indian" brothers and sisters to the affair to the chagrin of the indignant Europeans. No turkey, cranberry sauce or pumpkin pie was served, no prayers were offered and the "Indians" were not invited back for any other such meals.

The peace that produced the Thanksgiving Feast of 1621 meant that the Puritans would have fifteen years to established a firm foothold on the coast. Until 1629 there were no more than 300 Puritans in New England, scattered in small and isolated settlements. But their survival inspired a wave of Puritan invasion that soon established growing Massachusetts towns north of Plymouth; Boston and Salem. For ten years, boat loads of new settlers came. As the Europeans' numbers increased, they proved not nearly as generous as the Wampanoags. On arrival, the Puritans discussed "who legally owns all this land? "Massachusetts Governor Wintrop declared the "Indians" had not "subdued" the land, and therefore all uncultivated lands should, according to English Common Law, be considered "public domain." This meant they belonged to the king. In short, colonists decided they did not need to consult the "Indians". When they seized the new lands, they only had to consult the representative of the crown (meaning the local governor). The Puritans embraced a line from Psalms 2:8, "Ask of me, and I shall give thee, the heather for thine inheritance, and the uttermost parts of he earth for thy possession."

Contrary to popular mythology the Pilgrims were no friends to the local Indigenous People ("Indians"). In about 1636, a force of colonists trapped some seven hundred Pequot Indians near the mouth of the Mystic River. English Captain John Mason attacked the Indian camp with "fire, sword, blunderbuss, and tomahawk." Only a handful escaped and few prisoners were taken. "To see them frying in the fire, and the streams of their blood quenching the same, and the stench was horrible, but the victory seemed a sweet sacrifice to the great delight of the Pilgrims, and they gave praise thereof to God."

The Puritan fathers believed they were the Chosen People of an Infinite God and that this justified anything they did."

You have to love this. God Bless America!
|W|P|110175144764984395|W|P|Praise Jesus and pass the potatoes!|W|P|11/29/2004 1:58 PM|W|P|Blogger Lotus|W|P|Your commentary is hilarious. People are oblivious to the truth of things, keep up the good work.11/29/2004 8:59 PM|W|P|Blogger The Lone Rangers|W|P|Now this one I'm gonna have to agree with you on. *hiding his W in '04 cap behind him*
Isn't Arbor Day a Christian holiday too, since the Lord blessed us with trees?11/30/2004 10:19 AM|W|P|Blogger Ailyn|W|P|Wow. Another Christian holiday. That I am surprised to hear about. By the way, great find. Very informative.

I may get some slack for the next thing I am about to say but hear me out some. Although it royally sux what our forefathers (well actually, not mine - they stayed in Italy) did to the native americans, but is this not normal in the human population? Does not the strong conquer the weak? (loose terms of course based on either physical strength or technological prowess). The puritans were a conquering people whether they started as exiles or not. This has happened and is still happening all over the world.

And before you say that native people were not like this, take a look at South America and Aztec civilization. Aztecs frequently went to war with other tribes, took their people as slaves and expanded into their lands. It seems like humans have an innate need for power and empire-building.

Thoughts?11/30/2004 12:22 PM|W|P|Blogger Rudicus|W|P|I totally agree with you - I'm not taking a big guys beat up on the harmless peace loving little guys stance(many native american tribes were just as brutal if not more so to each other). I'm more concerned with the glossing over it to the point where most people don't actually know how it was - it's fine to accept your role as conqueror, but I think you should know that's what it was. It would be like the Spanish saying that the Aztecs welcomed the Conquistadors with open arms and they were really grateful that they brought plague and religious intolerence with them since those were things the Aztecs didn't have before.

If you're a conqueror who slaughtered a population who actually helped you, then admit it. Columbus can still be a great discoverer and a pioneer and a great thinker and seaman, even though he was responsible for the decimation of the Arawak tribe. Let's just not skip that part of the story.11/30/2004 2:50 PM|W|P|Blogger Lotus|W|P|I think its important to examine the past, closely and not be afraid to see it for what it is (was?),
failure to do so, or worse yet, a fear of doing so, prevents one from looking toward the future and
understanding the events of the present. It helps to put things into perspective because after all
the human race has a record of repeating its actions.
You all have brought out some good points to ponder.12/01/2004 7:12 PM|W|P|Blogger The Lone Rangers|W|P|Point well made Jeremy(see Invasion of Iraq as colony building) but it's flak you would get if your comments created an uproar, not slack.12/02/2004 1:14 PM|W|P|Blogger Ailyn|W|P|Yea, yea. That's what I meant, flack. I was typing to quickly and put slack. I must be a slacker!11/24/2004 04:49:00 PM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|
I don't make this shit up people.

[I decided to post the article text here, since the link to the actual article takes a long time to load]

ST. PAUL (AP) - Police are investigating an informal exorcism at the Cathedral of St. Paul, which was directed at gay Roman Catholics and will cost thousands of dollars to clean up, police and church officials said.

They said the ritualistic sprinkling of blessed oil and salt around the church and in donation boxes earlier this month amounted to costly vandalism and possibly a hate crime.

The damage was discovered Nov. 7 after the noon Mass, and after words were exchanged between members of the Rainbow Sash Alliance, a gay rights group, and the opposing group, Catholics Against Sacrilege.

Police speculate the damage could have been done anytime between late Saturday afternoon and during the Mass itself.

The groups are at odds over gays participating in communion, one of the holiest rites in the church. Earlier this year, about 40 men, members of the group Ushers of the Eucharist, knelt in the aisles at the Cathedral to block Rainbow members from taking communion.

The Rev. Michael Skluzacek, rector of the cathedral, said he immediately understood the symbolism when he was told that someone had sprinkled the oil and salt around the church.

"It's a sign of exorcism," he told the Star Tribune of Minneapolis. "It's a sign of casting out the power of evil."

He said salt is used to bless holy water, and the oil, once it is blessed by a bishop, is used for consecrations. By sprinkling the salt and oil, he said, the vandals thought they were making the church holy again.

"Regardless of why they did it, it was a very disruptive act," Skluzacek said.

He estimated the clean up cost at thousands of dollars, involving crews working three days to remove the oil and salt and cleaning the doors, steps and boxes.

A report was filed with St. Paul police, who said the case could be prosecuted as a hate crime if someone is arrested.

"It does have an element of hate and bias to it," said police spokesman Paul Schnell, who noted that the incident seemed aimed to coincide with the presence of the Rainbow Sash group.

Schnell said police have no leads, but several religious people familiar with the case said it is probably the work of fringe Catholics who advocate using sacramentals, or holy objects, to cleanse places where gays take communion.

"I don't know who did it," said Dr. David Pence, a member of Ushers of the Eucharist. "I do know that some people have used sacramentals to engage in some kind of holy war against people. Nobody wants to see church property damaged in the name of an exorcism."

Michael Bayly, coordinator of the Catholic Pastoral Committee on Sexual Minorities, an advocacy group for gays and lesbians, said such fringe groups perceive gays and lesbians who take communion as evil.

He said he received an e-mail Nov. 5 from a man who threatened to douse Rainbow Sash members at the Nov. 7 Mass with what he described as "exorcised" oil blessed by a priest.

Bayly said the same man often appears at CPCSM and Rainbow Sash events and prays the rosary while walking apart from group members.

"I didn't make the connection until now," Bayly said Tuesday.

The worst part, this isn't even in the south.
|W|P|110133348348265606|W|P|"Since violence and bigotry didn't get rid of those dang queers, let's try this!"|W|P|11/24/2004 11:41 PM|W|P|Blogger Lotus|W|P|This is heinous. I cannot even begin to express the thoughts running through my head on this.11/24/2004 11:44 PM|W|P|Blogger Lotus|W|P|This is heinous! I cannot even begin to express my thoughts on this.

(oops this may have posted twice)11/25/2004 10:49 AM|W|P|Anonymous Anonymous|W|P|Salt & Oil but no escarole?11/29/2004 12:35 PM|W|P|Blogger Ailyn|W|P|I hate to say it, but this is too funny! People are nuts! What the hell happened to turn the other cheek? Who gives these people the divine right to decide what is correct and what is not? What happened to the forgiving God? I need to read the bible and find the passage that says homosexuality is evil. I need more information in order to better argue.11/24/2004 02:04:00 PM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|
Well, take a gander at this one folks - when you get to the end, rate your level of alarm on a scale of 1 to 10. Start thinking about the rammifications of this kind of crap and we'll talk later.

CBS) After Idalia and Jose Moran's son was born by C-section, Idalia Moran's doctor advised her not to get pregnant again for two to three years, and prescribed the pill.

CBS News Correspondent Byron Pitts reports when she went to the pharmacy, the cashier said, "You know what? I cannot refill them because the pharmacist says it's against his religion because it's abortion."

Moran told CBS she was stunned and ashamed.

"I felt really bad, because I thought maybe these are for abortion," Moran said. "I don't know."

Across the country, more and more pharmacists are refusing to fill prescriptions for religious reasons.

South Dakota, Arkansas and Mississippi even have refusal clauses on the books. And 13 other states are considering mixing medicine with morality.

At Lloyd's Pharmacy in Gray, La., Lloyd Duplantis believes in prayer.

"God bless the great state of Louisiana, the parish…In the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit…" Duplantis said in a makeshift prayer group in the middle of his store.

And he believes birth control is tantamount to abortion. So, he stocks his shelves accordingly.

"I don’t sell condoms. I don't sell foams. I don't sell creams," Duplantis said. "I don't sell anything to do with contraception."

He said, even if a woman who was the victim of incestuous rape walked in his door after having been prescribed the pill, he wouldn't change his policy.

"I would tell her that I can't prescribe this," Duplantis said.

Few question a pharmacist's right to make a moral choice. But doesn't one have a distinct responsibility as a pharmacist?

"That's right, and that's what I'm doing," Duplantis said. "There's science supporting my moral decision."

Four out of five Americans disagree with Duplantis. In a CBS News/New York Times poll, 80 percent of respondents said even if pharmacists have religious objections to
contraceptives, they should not let it interfere with their job.

Just 16 percent think pharmacists should refuse to dispense birth control pills on
religious grounds if they choose.

Gloria Feldt, president of Planned Parenthood, believes the surge in these cases is as much about politics as it is about religion.

"It's a very ominous trend," Feldt said. "I think the anti-choice right extremists have become emboldened by the current administration in Washington and they feel they are in the political ascendancy."

But Duplantis says he's no extremist, just a Christian businessman.

"I want everyone to have freedom of choice to help them achieve what they want," he said.

In his pharmacy, he advocates "natural" family planning. He convinced one woman, Stephanie Melacon, to no longer takes birth control pills. She made the decision based on what Duplantis told her about the side effects.

As for Idalia Moran, she eventually got her birth control pills. But she had to drive 30 miles to a different pharmacist.

"Being a pharmacist…you should leave your religion or whatever aside," Moran said.

It's one debate that will not be put aside quietly.

OK we're back. This is starting to sound pretty damn scary to me. Just imagine the possiblities:

"I'm sorry sir, I can't fill this prescription for AIDS medication, since you must gay and homosexuality is against my religion"

"I'm sorry ma'am, but I can't fill your daughters prescription for amoxycillin to cure her STD, she must have had pre-marital sex and that's against my religion - she should have thought about syphilis before she turned her back on the lord"

"I'm sorry sir, I can't fill you prescription because I know you're a liberal democrat and free-thinking is against my religion"

Now can doctor's decide who to treat based on their religion? How about EMT's? This is all a thinly veiled precursor to an all-out religious state eerily similar to another I can think of, what was their name again - oh yeah The Taliban!

Enjoy America while it lasts.
|W|P|110132436712552294|W|P|There by the grace of god goes everyone...or else.|W|P|11/29/2004 4:48 AM|W|P|Blogger Dave|W|P|wow I dont even know what to say. I am very alarmed by this. im outraged. (*shakes head*)! HORRIBLE!12/01/2004 4:43 PM|W|P|Blogger Ailyn|W|P|Do your fucking job and sell the stuff. That being said, if the pharmacy is privately owned, then the owner has the right to decide what he/she will or will not sell. But if the person works in a pharmacy like CVS that has no policy on what it sells, then that person must stuff their religious and political beliefs up their own ass and do their job or quit.12/01/2004 7:14 PM|W|P|Blogger The Lone Rangers|W|P|Here (expletive deleted)here!11/23/2004 10:37:00 AM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|
[click headline for the link]

What do you get when you mix religious fundamentalism, idiocy and denial?

America!

This is the REALLY REAL reason why Bush won. If you have the capacity and in fact the desire to ignore science and reality and completely forgo critical thinking then what effect would a rational or logical argument have upon you?

Bon Jour, Bienvenue e Monreal, Je me pel Rudicus.
|W|P|110122469757145783|W|P|Canada is sounding better by the day|W|P|11/22/2004 01:35:00 PM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|
You've got to hand it to these people. This guy must have watched too many violent cartoons as a kid. I'm not sure how having an AK-47 would have made this any worse.

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20041122/ap_on_re_us/hunters_shot

I think somebody needs a hug.
|W|P|110114871802658018|W|P|Why we don't need an assault weapons ban.|W|P|11/22/2004 1:58 PM|W|P|Blogger Ailyn|W|P|You know, this is almost funny until you really think about it. 5 people were murdered including a teenage boy, woman, father and a son. What the fuck is wrong with people! God! Ban the weapons! But no, lets instead, have a day where are kids go to school in cammo. Oh yea, great priorities.11/25/2004 10:48 AM|W|P|Anonymous Anonymous|W|P|Sorry he was protecting his God given, Constitutional right to wood.11/22/2004 10:30:00 AM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|
We all know life can be a challenge sometimes, but there are those things that happen which are so seemingly random and annoying that you seethe with frustration and want to scream. It's living proof that God (assuming there is one) is a 10 year old kid and we are his terrerium.

Here are the top five:

5. You lose control of the cap on your brand new 1.5 litre Bottle of Smart Water and during the juggling act that ensues you almost catch it, but then at the last second you don't and it lands in the freshly used cat litter. And just for good measure you take a nice cold swig out of your now capless bottle and dribble on your clothes.

4. You are eating your nice snack size Strawberry Jello (with a fork of course) and you get a nice forkfull when, while watching it wiggle and jiggle, it slides off the fork and lands on the cat's back, who then flips around crazily to find out what wet cold thing just landed on her, thus spraying the Jello all over the light beige carpet. Then discovering that it WAS Jello, the cat proceeds to chase the pieces around the room and eat them - making extra sure to grind the juice in to the carpet in the process.

3. While washing clothes, one of your favorite socks that you were going to wear in an hour escapes while being transferred to the dryer, but unfortunately falls to the side of the washer, which of course lands in the conveniently placed pile of dust, lint, dead bugs etc. that resides there. Now while fishing it out with a coat hanger, because of course it is in the back and unreachable by anyone other than Tinkerbell, you knock the brand new family size bottle of Tide Liquid Detergent off the shelf which lands on the nice stone floor and sends the cap and a splooge of liquid in a complex Cirque du Soleil flipping maneuver landing it and the splooge in the dryer with the just washed clothes (of course the dryer door was still open, silly), while the remainder of the detergent gluggs out onto the floor and your feet(and of course you are wearing wool socks.)

2. You are cooking delicious freshly seasoned New Zealand Lamb Patties on your trusty George Forman Lean Mean Fat Grilling Machine. While sizzling to their juicy perfection, all the nasty fat is draining into the handy grease boat placed at the bottom of the unit. The lamb is perfect and you carefully remove the patties and place them delicately on the expertly presented plates with fresh asparagus coated in olive oil and fresh ground pepper. You then take a few casual minutes to scrape the residue off the grill while it is still warm into the fat catcher boat with the trusty grilling tool specifically designed for this machine. Everything goes smoothly and on the last swipe, the tool slips of the greasy non-stick surface and catches the rim of the completely full grease boat which is pushed off the edge of the counter landing on the kitchen floor. The grease boat lands at a very precise angle, sending hot grease flying in a perfectly symmetrical Boolean dispersal pattern only rivaled by Tibetan sand art. Now while you and the kitchen are covered in lamb grease, you not only have to clean it up, but also get to play a super fun game of where's the grease? Thus the next several days are spent locating and cleaning grease splatter from every nook and cranny of the kitchen, but also spots on the plants, carpet, washer and dryer, coffee table, shoe rack and couch - all of which are in other rooms adjacent to the kitchen.

1. You are preparing a yummy breakfast of whole wheat english muffins with almond butter and honey. The cat comes up (ninja style) to see what you are doing. As expected the cat sneaks in just in time to trip you and you start falling and manage to save yourself, but in the process send the honey to it's death on the ground below. The cat, now overjoyed by this stroke of luck begins to consume the honey, making extra sure to walk completely through the puddle now growing on the floor. You do your best to clean it up and then tackle the issue of cleaning the cat, who has now been simonized with an undercoat of honey. Of course the cat doesn't relish the idea of being cleaned, so begins to walk away after the mess has been cleaned up. Not wanting the cat to get onto the carpet or jump on the couch, you shout "no!" (which of course has no effect whatsoever) and run after the cat. The cat thinking it's play time runs away from you making sure to leave honey paw prints on the light beige carpet (which of course you will only be able to find through stepping on them - since the rug is the same color as the honey). Now increasing your speed in an effort to keep the cat from causing further havoc you engage in a ritual reminiscent of the chicken chasing scene from Rocky, except in place of the chicken you have a honey-soaked cat. The cat now realizes you are serious and gets scared and takes refuge in her safe space which of course is under the bed in the far corner, on the chenille throw, under a 4000 lb Simmons Beauty Rest mattress set. You may now envision the hours of fun, extricating and cleaning your tarred and chenilled cat along with the rest of the carpet.

So the next time your toast or bagel falls butter side down, remember, it could be much, much worse.
|W|P|110113742708114797|W|P|The Five Most Annoying Household Mishaps|W|P|11/22/2004 11:29 AM|W|P|Blogger Ailyn|W|P|God that was sooo funny! Please tell me yo made them up and they did not happen to you. Funny to notice a cat on two of these items. Cats are EVIL! (just kidding, i had 5).11/23/2004 1:31 PM|W|P|Blogger Lotus|W|P|LOL - this is so funny.10/08/2005 5:44 PM|W|P|Anonymous Anonymous|W|P|Have you ever seen Asparagus this BIG
They grow up to 15in long and 2in wide.
gardening information10/10/2005 8:57 AM|W|P|Blogger Jack Naka|W|P|You have a great blog here! I will be sure to book mark you. I have a beauty salon st louis site. It pretty much covers beauty salon st louis related stuff. Check it out if you get time :-)10/14/2005 4:13 AM|W|P|Blogger Admin|W|P|Great blog, keep up the good work. Glad to see sites like this.

Here is another good site I said I would pass along.
Disney Land
Thanks11/18/2004 01:41:00 PM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|
In what looks to be a long series of goofy Christian Conservative crap - here comes another gem from our favorite "god-feerin" crazies in Texas:

'Cross-Dressing' Out, Camouflage In

HOUSTON (Reuters) - Camouflage was in and cross-dressing was out at a rural East Texas school district after a Christian legal group complained a long-standing school tradition of reversing social roles for a day would promote homosexuality.

Students in Spurger, Texas were encouraged by school officials to wear camouflage hunting gear to class on Wednesday after they called off their annual "TWIRP Day" in which boys dressed as girls and vice versa. The cross-dressing tradition began some years back as a kind of Sadie Hawkins Day where girls ask boys to go out on dates. TWIRP stands for "The Woman Is Requested To Pay."

But Delana Davies, who has two children in the Spurger school, complained this year that the tradition could promote homosexuality and got the Liberty Legal Institute, a right-wing Christian legal group, to take up the cause.

"It might be fun today to dress up like a little girl -- kids think it's cute and things like that. And you start playing around with it and, like drugs, you do a little here and there (and) eventually it gets you," Davies told reporters.

"It is outrageous that a school in a small town in east Texas would encourage their 4 year-olds to be cross-dressers," institute litigation director Hiram Sasser said. He sought and obtained permission from the district for the woman's children to stay out of school for the day. School attorney Tanner Hunt told Reuters the Liberty group misrepresented TWIRP Day and made it sound sinister when it has always been innocent fun.

"I guarantee you nobody on the school board or in the administration ever had that cross their minds," Hunt said of the "cross-dressing" reference. Sasser said it was not his intent to disparage the school.

"The district gets mad every time I say 'cross-dress,' but I don't know what other way to describe it," he told Reuters. Because of the controversy, school officials decided to change Wednesday from TWIRP Day to Camouflage Day, in what Hunt described as a reference to the clothing hunters wear during deer-hunting season, which is going on now and is enormously popular in rural Texas.

Despite the change from TWIRP Day, Hunt said some of the students stuck to the old tradition and wore clothes of the opposite sex. "I understand from the superintendent that some of the boys dressed in pink shorts anyway," he said.


WOW! What will they think of next? I hope that they will take on another terrible issue facing americans - the practice of calling people named Richard, "Dick." This practice must stop as it promotes pro-penis behavior which could lead to people "going gay" or at the very least encourages teenagers to think about sex(which we all know they were not doing beforehand). We must stop this terror before it takes our kids.
|W|P|110080106065522277|W|P|Adventures in Psychotic Puritanism part 2|W|P|11/18/2004 4:48 PM|W|P|Blogger Ailyn|W|P|I agree with the "Dick" nick name. I have to admit, I can kinda see the lady's point (kinda). I don't little boys dressing as little girls will make them gay (in fact, I know this will not happen) but I can see it confusing them. But what I don't get is going from cross-dressing to dressing-up like hunters! What's up with that? Crazy. Now we need some mother or father to complain that hunting is unethical and poor treatment of animals. And promoting camo will convince our kids to become depraved, beer-drinking, gun-toting, red-necks. And actually, I'm serious.11/19/2004 9:52 AM|W|P|Blogger Lotus|W|P|I don't even know where to start with this... I live in Texas and I know the red-neck, assbackward, flag-waving, gun-toting, beer guzzling ingnorance that prevails.11/21/2004 1:02 AM|W|P|Blogger Dave|W|P|(*shakes head*) ignorant people make me sick. "ooo my boy is going to dress up like a girl, he is going to start liking boys and grow up to be a big drag queen" please!11/25/2004 10:46 AM|W|P|Anonymous Anonymous|W|P|(Looks Down) Ummmm What do you MEAN they canceled it??11/16/2004 04:03:00 PM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|
http://www.hoosiergazette.com/News/Nov2004/news003.htm

The best part is I don't even need to comment - this is too damn stupid on it's own.

Props to Red State Style for this link:

http://www.redstatestyle.blogspot.com
|W|P|110063919804444131|W|P|Keeping the world free from critical thought and mutual oral sex|W|P|11/18/2004 4:43 PM|W|P|Blogger Ailyn|W|P|Who elected him?11/19/2004 10:05 AM|W|P|Blogger Lotus|W|P|I shared this article with the office about 10 minutes ago and they are still laughing about it, and want to know if this same congressman wants to ban the numbers 69 from the phone book, social security numbers, and hey about counting ....67, 68,70, ....11/15/2004 01:37:00 PM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|
I just arrived home from a business trip to Las Vegas and some interesting thoughts occurred to me about this whole aspect of American traveling and vacations. First off, Vegas is not a place I would normally have gone since I don't drink, don't smoke, don't gamble and am not currently in the market for strippers or prostitutes, thus eliminating pretty much anything I could do in Vegas except eat.

The one thing I did do was go to the Guggenheim exhibit at the Venetian - which was excellent by the way - but it struck me as horribly out of place in this sea of chain smoking gamblers and oglers who make up the vast majority of the Vegas populace. Needless to say my party was the only attendees of the show other than the people who worked there.

But what I found most interesting is fascination of what I like to call "Regular Americans" with watered-down and completely unrealistic representations of other countries, peoples and time periods. Las Vegas for example is loaded with casinos who seek to represent places like Venice, Paris, Rome and a host of other peoples and places. It stuck me as being similar to the World Showcase at episode Center at Walt Disney World. While I love episode and feel like the Disney people go out of their way to at least try to be representative by employing actual people from those countries and having some educational type activities - it's the attendees that miss the boat entirely.

So these people in Las Vegas meander past priceless works of art (with an equally excellent audio tour) on their way to a smoke filled room to gamble away dollars that they probably saved all year for or off to the adult shows to play amateur gynecologist. But the entire experience is completely alien to me. Now I realize that I am a liberal intellectual - which as we have just seen in the election, I am in the minority, but the lack of not only worldliness, but the complete absence of interest in other cultures apart from this watered down Brady-bunch version of it is amazing.

The thing that amazes me most is how pervasive it all is - so the Venetian is basically an upscale mall with excellent interior design and a small waterway running through the middle with a performer who gives rides on a gondola and sings Italian songs. It was neat from a theatrical perspective, but nothing like actual Venice - but a nice clean version of a caricature of Venice. But the most bizarre is the complete lack of interest in reality - or far worse, the belief that that is what people are actually like there in Italy. Of course these are the same people who think Chinese food is what Chinese people actually eat. I love the idea of a some nice maoist family living in Guondong province, happily munching away on General Tso's chicken and a BBQ spare ribs. I especially love the people who eat Chinese thinking it is diet food because Asian people are so thin, not realizing that they are eating the equivalent of McDonald's in terms of cuisine and the reason most Asians are thin is because they don't eat much and get a lot of exercise - when they get over here, they start chunking out like the rest of us.

Another fun example is at Disney's Animal Kingdom Lodge is a great restaurant called Boma - it's an African Buffett (dumbed-down for sure as I imagine no quantities of Americans are going to be comfortable with goat, but I digress). So here is this "americanized" version of African Food, and yet it is still too much for some. Case in point, a couple in their thirties or forties comes in and takes one look at the buffet and bee-lines for the kids section and loads up a plate full of French fries(sorry, "freedom" fries), chicken fingers and mac & cheese. Now it isn't like the food was snake surprise and chilled monkey brains - it was basically tame food, but it had what we like to call "strange spices" and those dreaded "vegetables"

Speaking of food, I did go to a decent Indian restaurant and a mediocre Italian restaurant in Vegas - the Indian food was a little americanized and also a bit blanded out - presumably for the American palate - even still there were very few Americans in this place - of course the steak house across the hall had a two hour wait. The Italian place wasn't bad, but being Italian, I'm probably biased. But on the whole I'm going to go on record to say that the vast majority of ethnic restaurants in casino's, Disney or any other place that caters predominantly to American's, suck.

Another striking thing is the shopping. Those of us who grew up reading adventure stories and tales of far away places love the idea of shopping at the bazaar or finding some strange curio shop - and then you go to Vegas or Disney and everything is kitschy - it's basically a bunch of cheap crap with logos on it - like the wealthy cousins of the junk you get at the local fair or carnival. Now being the aforementioned liberal intellectual I was always struck by how dumb that all was - thinking who the hell would buy this shit? But I got my answer - everybody but me. People swarmed into these places both at in Vegas and Disney and scarfed up this garbage. I should have seen this all coming though - before I went to the show I cleaned out my office and filled a box with all of the typical trade show crap from the last year of shows and put it in a box to throw out. I put it down in the lunch room to see if anyone wanted anything - and wouldn't you know it - the entire box was empty in 20 minutes. So I guess there is a market for crappy pens and plastic martini glasses that blink and superballs with red lights that flash when they hit. I was also able to unload several of the lowest quality bad imprinted t-shirts from the different shows - people just gobbled it up. But then those stupid trucker hats with the plastic mesh are popular too.

I shouldn't be surprised. Here in Georgia, there is a town called Helen about an hour and a half north of the city where they had the clever idea to transform this rural Georgia town into a replica of an alpine village. Interesting idea. Sounded cool to me - like a Bavarian old Sturbridge village - you wish. Imagine a place that looks like a cross between The Sound of Music and a Gingerbread House and you'll start to get the idea. Actually, a biker rally at Hansel and Gretel's is probably more appropriate. Everything had the name "haus" in it and I especially liked the authentic Bavarian pub that served typical cheesburgers and hot dogs and had a single guy with a guitar serenading us with country music tunes. We also ventured over to the "authentic German" dining establishment - which DID have bratwurst and sauerkraut along with the token German beer (lowenbrau I believe), which was offered to a lovely gentleman at the next table who declined because he didn't want any of those "commie" beers and wanted a good American beer like Budweiser. (incidentally, this was the only enjoyable part of this expedition - especially in foreshadowing the most recent election results - see previous post on how 50 someodd million people can be so dumb). Well since we were here we decided to take in the decidedly Bavarian Leather Haus - which was eerily similar to the Harley Davidson store, but who's keeping track. Then there was the Sports Haus which was completely devoid of anything that wasn't affiliated with the Georgia Bulldogs or other local team. Lots of other staples of Austrian/German culture were represented...there was the very Bavarian tattoo parlor, the especially Austrian belt buckle store, and the overwhelmingly German cowboy and motorcycle boot store.

The rest of the stores were mostly kitschy souvenir crap, but three stores stood out. The first two, the pretzel shop and the Fudge Haus were the closest thing to something you might find in an actual Bavarian town. Oh, and I did forget the beer stein store that sold the same beer steins that you WOULD find in a stupid tourist shop in Germany as well - so that part WAS authentic, I guess. But my all time favorite - apart from my friend and his dislike of notoriously communist German beers, was the ever popular Native American arts and crafts store. Certainly this store was dedicated to famous Bavarian Indians like Running Frau, Heinrich Two Bears and Kevin Costner as Dances mit Weinerschnitzel. In defense of the local tribes, the crafts were excellent, but dude, c'mon!

So there you have it - another slice of life, "real amurrican" style.

Next time "Things I Learned while Driving in Georgia"
|W|P|110054468558366117|W|P|Sin City, Disney & Helen, GA|W|P|11/15/2004 3:03 PM|W|P|Blogger Ailyn|W|P|That was hysterical. What a great commentary on life as we know it in America.11/19/2004 10:02 AM|W|P|Blogger Lotus|W|P|this is so funny....11/26/2004 7:31 AM|W|P|Blogger The Lone Rangers|W|P|And how did you know there was a 2 hour wait at the steak house hmmmmm? *As he adjusts his Frankfurt A&M mesh truckers cap and I'm with Him-mler T-shirt.*10/03/2005 12:46 PM|W|P|Blogger Admin|W|P|Wow, what a great site. I will bookmark this site and return often. It's nice to see sites like this.

Please visit my website and let me know what you think. Orlando Vacations10/06/2005 12:01 AM|W|P|Blogger Admin|W|P|Wow, what a great site. I will bookmark this site and return often. It's nice to see sites like this.

Please visit my website and let me know what you think. Orlando Vacations11/05/2004 05:29:00 PM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|
The things you find when your typing. Did you know that Microsoft Word's automatic capitalization will automatically capitalize Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, Apollo and Venus - but it won't automatically capitalize Allah, Zeus, Odin, Satan, or Dionysius.

Curiously it will capitalize Christian, Buddhist and Satanist, but not Hindu, Jew, Wiccan or Muslim (although it does capitalize Moslem [how very 1970's of you]). Also it does capitalize Christianity, Buddhism, Judaism and Satanism, but not Islam (hmmm).

Now it gets interesting - of course America is automatically capitalized, but so is Russia, Israel, Canada, England, Australia and Poland (must be for Iraq allies only), but not Germany, France, Italy, Mexico or Spain(but Portugal is - must have bribed bill gates with some Port).

All the middle eastern allies are capitalized, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Kuwait, but not Iran, Iraq or Afganistan (must be that whole Axis of Evil thing). The asians didn't do so well. Neither Japan, Korea nor China rated automatic capitalization, but apparently Taiwan and Tibet did(don't tell the Chinese), along with Singapore, Vietnam, Thailand, Okinawa (I guess size doesn't matter after all).

The Africans didn't do much better - here's who made the automatic capitalization cut: Libera, Madagascar, Somalia, Senegal, Nigeria, Zimbabwe, Kenya, Lesotho, Botswana, Ethiopia, Tanzania (go Jane!), Cameroon, Djibouti, Tunisia, Burundi, Uganda(It's Idi Amin!) and Malawi. But our friends in Morocco, Benin, Niger, Mali, Congo, Chad and Libya (guess that whole PR campaign hasn't reached Seattle yet) didn't make it.

Well there you have it - very strange stuff.
|W|P|109969344879577960|W|P|Is Microsoft Word selectively supporting certain faiths and countries?|W|P|11/08/2004 12:06 PM|W|P|Blogger Lotus|W|P|You have raised some interesting points. I often ponder the reasons why other peoples/cultures/religions/nations, etc. feel the need to discount others whose views differ from theirs.11/05/2004 04:03:00 PM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|

The Real Reason George Bush Won. Posted by Hello
|W|P|109968860893941786|W|P||W|P|11/05/2004 04:02:00 PM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|

Because it's easier than thinking. But I can't talk now, my 3rd favorite TV show is on. Posted by Hello
|W|P|109968854551480258|W|P||W|P|11/08/2004 10:59 AM|W|P|Blogger Ailyn|W|P|God, I so agree with this.11/08/2004 12:10 PM|W|P|Blogger Lotus|W|P|Love the cover!
More people need to see Farenheit 91111/08/2004 12:55 PM|W|P|Blogger Meg|W|P|I know it's all over these blogs, but visit www.sorryeverybody.com. You might enjoy.=)11/25/2004 10:43 AM|W|P|Anonymous Anonymous|W|P|Nice Site! Where's the Guns and Ammo section?11/05/2004 03:58:00 PM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|

WAAAAHOOOOO!!!!! Join us for next week's episode of "Adventures of The Stupid Americans" Posted by Hello
|W|P|109968830162081658|W|P||W|P|11/05/2004 03:48:00 PM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|
Welcome to my first post. I don't have anything specifically profound to say at this moment, but I hope you will enjoy visiting. I'll be musing about things I see, hear and experience - hopefully they will be funny and thought provoking.

So let's go!
|W|P|109968788470355535|W|P|Blast Off!|W|P|11/08/2004 10:58 AM|W|P|Blogger Ailyn|W|P|Funny and thought provoking is always a good way to go.11/25/2004 11:01 AM|W|P|Blogger The Lone Rangers|W|P|Porn. Porn sells, stick with porn. Musings about porn, favorite porn and porn including a gorilla, (upside down mind you) in the back seat of a volkswagon. Thats the stuff that made this country great!