Well two new tidbits in that I thought you would all get a kick out of:

This one is my favorite:

A local TV anchor for Channel 4(of course it's a Fox affiliate, silly) in Dallas, John Criswell, gave a speech to the Volunteers Center for their Volunteer of the Year awards and used the event to cry about being persecuted as a Christian and called the media a "tool of Satan"

"I believe the Bible is the inspired word of God, every word of it," Criswell told almost 600 attendees.. "Like many other evangelical Christians, I understand that my only purpose on earth...the only reason I take up space and breathe in air...is to add to God's Kingdom, and when that purpose has been completed. I know where I will be for eternity."

Yikes - that doesn't sound very fair and balanced to me!

He went on to say:

Until the media stops portraying people of faith as "crackpots and dangerous zealots no different from fanatics who flew airplanes into the World Trade Center...the fight is not over," he said

Ummm, dude, no offense, but the media is a tool of Satan? You DO sound like a dangerous zealot, no different from the fanatics who flew airplanes into the World Trade Center.

**quotes and reporting by Amy Morenz of the Plano Star Courier

In other news,

The police handcuffed a 5 year old girl who was throwing a tantrum in school. Apparently it took three officers to subdue her and get her bent over a table and get her hands behind her back for the cuffs. Nice work fellas - I'm sure that will be great PR for the department. And of course they got the whole thing on video tape.

Oh, for thos of you keeping score - The crackpot TV Anchorman was from Texas and i'll give you three guesses where the cops and the little girl are from...you got it! Florida.

4/22/2005 10:16 AM|W|P| Glod|W|P|Gotta love America.4/22/2005 10:22 AM|W|P| aBitWicked|W|P|SO ITS TRUE!! my mom always said: if you dont stop that i will call the cops.. or be good and stop crying or the cops will get mad... go figure.4/22/2005 10:22 AM|W|P| Rudicus|W|P|Do I have to? Really?4/22/2005 10:20 PM|W|P| The Lone Rangers|W|P|Yeah but to be honest that 5 year old girl really went at those cops. Luckily it wasn't the LAPD.4/24/2005 9:34 AM|W|P| Tara|W|P|OMG - I read this and cringed. Tx and Fl - now what could they possibly have in common? Hmmm.4/22/2005 08:37:00 AM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|

Poor Pope Eggs Benedict,

He's only in office for a week and the damn homos have gotten marriage and adoption rights in Spain.

Well let's see how the kinder, gentler Pope Nazi I handles this one.

In the past he has called homosexuality an "intrinsic, moral evil" (sounds pretty compassionate and accepting to me).

Already his cardinals have said it is the duty of Chrsitians to oppose these laws and that they are not obligated to follow them.

They said Roman Catholic officials should be prepared to lose their jobs rather than co-operate with the law.

Sooo...people who are born different are intrinsicly evil and people shouldn't follow the laws if they conflict with church dogma. We're off to a unifying start already.

I'm sure this will engender many and attract lots of new Catholics to the fold.

|W|P|111417810993796857|W|P|Same Shit, Different Pope.|W|P|4/20/2005 01:09:00 PM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|

Apparently the Democrats finally achieved their goal of mind control over the poor innocent Republicans and their friends.

In addition to the campaign to somehow force Tom Delay to commit ethics violations, they apparently have also caused UN Ambassador Nominee John Bolton to manipulate or outright conceal intelligence material as well as verbally abuse, threaten and exact retribution on his staff if they ever had the audacity to disagree with him.

I had never thought the Democrats had this power, but I can now see that that theory is probably true. Looking back, I can see how the Democratic Telepathy Corp was responsible for making George Bush believe there were WMD's in Iraq, and probably also put the idea for the private investment accounts into his head as well.

I can also see their Machiavellian minds at work, telekinetically forcing good Republican judges to go rogue and become the dreaded "activist judges."

In response, I think we need legislation limiting the use of telepathic powers in Congress. It's not fair to conservatives who apparently are very weak minded and easily manipulated - we need to protect them from any further horror at the hands of mind controlling Democrats.

In other news, a conservative Republican businessman actually took responsibility for his own actions causing an over 100 degree drop in temperatures in Hell. At approximately the same time, pigs were seen flying over several international capitals.

|W|P|111402139839857023|W|P|Congratulations Democrats!|W|P|4/20/2005 1:56 PM|W|P| Glod|W|P|I assume making people do these bad things is so they can get in and do good things. Is this ethical?4/20/2005 5:33 PM|W|P| AVA|W|P|You have to ask that at his other blog "Ask Rudicus", Glodis. Rudi will answer pretty much anything u ask. I bet it will save u lots of homework time.4/20/2005 8:03 PM|W|P| Glod|W|P|Stop picking on me, Ava. It's cheating for coursework, and everything else can stuff, I know I know what we learnt, so why should I give people the satisfaction of having me write it down.4/21/2005 6:14 AM|W|P| The Lone Rangers|W|P|LOL4/21/2005 3:50 PM|W|P| Glod|W|P|TLR, excessive LOLing is a sign of madness.4/19/2005 12:15:00 PM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|

Well in a stunning turn of events, a moderate progressive Pope was elected to take the Catholic Church into the 21st Century.

Meanwhile back in reality...

In a big F.U. to the world, a bunch of fundamentalist jack-offs in red smocks elected a Nazi to be the next Pope. It seems fitting though. Who better that a Nazi to lead a world that's gone Fascist.

Often dubbed "The Enforcer" this swell guy(who was a former Hitler Youth and fought with the Nazi's) made it his job to "go after" what they called "dissidents" who were basically anyone who wanted to be progressive or modern or to use the ugliest of ugly words: liberal. They called his office The Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, but I think it went by a different term back in the old days - what was it? Oh yeah, The SS.

That's one small step for theocons, one giant buttfuck for everyone else.

Welcome to the new world order. I'm glad we can go back to the way things were before the liberals messed it up. Now we'll have a church based on traditional catholic values: misogyny, racism, homophobia and pedophilia.

I'm sure his first move as the new Pope will be to bring back The Inquisition.

|W|P|111393185694337269|W|P|Pope Nazi I.|W|P|4/19/2005 3:17 PM|W|P| Glod|W|P|At least now I don't have to go read some un-opinionated news that won't tell me this stuff.4/19/2005 4:29 PM|W|P| Rudicus|W|P|Exactly.4/19/2005 5:11 PM|W|P| AVA|W|P|Wow, I had no idea about all this. I guess I'll be paying attention to everything Pope Benedict XVI starts doing. Just out of curiosity, more than anything else.4/19/2005 8:48 PM|W|P| Buzz the Windling|W|P|Interesting point of view on his past.

I can accpet that he is a conservative member of the the church, and yes he was a member of the Youth Nazi organization, which nearly every child was forced into weather they were interested in it or not. Also as to fighting for the Nazi's, he was drafted and deserted his post, it wasn't like they gave him a choice about fighting.

Of course he could be as nasty and evil as some want to make him seem, but we don't really know that yet, so I am going to see what he does before I make any decisions on him.4/20/2005 1:54 AM|W|P| Glod|W|P|Good point Buzz, Rudicus, are you trying to turn us into your brainwashed media zombies to do your bidding against anyone who crosses you?4/20/2005 2:13 AM|W|P| Gilbert Koh|W|P|Interestingly, today is Adolf Hitler's birthday.

Heil Pope!4/20/2005 8:11 AM|W|P| Rudicus|W|P|Glod - I personally have no interest in trying to convert anyone to my point of view, because honestly I don't think thatis possible. My only goal is to get people to think for themselves.

I also have no problem with what anyone believes - I'm merely putting out my own opinion because it's my blog and I can do whatever I want. I guess I also want to point out some opposing viewpoints.

With respect to this post and this pope - I could care less since it doesn't effect my life, I'm merely trying to illustrate the downward spiral we are in as a culture where the default position is extreme intolerance and polarization.

And in regard to his Nazi past, Buzz - yes Hitler youth was required and so was the army (that he claims he deserted) But he also didn't stand up for the people, he just went along - just like alot of the other Nazi apologists who claim they had no choice. If you lived in a society where the new regime started killing babies and you were drafted into the group that stomped on their heads - would you do it, if you were under penalty of prison or death? Some would, but some would not. Some would rather die or be imprisoned rather than do something that they considered morally reprehensible.

I'm not trying to judge this pope, but here he is now, an enforcer of the church hardline, much in the same fashion as the people who he claims gave him no choice but to participate in Hitler youth and fight in the anti-aircraft brigade. So I find it very hypocritical as well as suspect that he would so strongly adopt the behavior that he claims was wrong when the Nazi's did it to him.

So personally, I'm calling bullshit on the new pope.

Buzz and Glod and everyone else is free to vehemently disagree with me and I encourage as much contentious debate as anyone can muster - that is the only way we ever really learn anything.4/20/2005 10:04 AM|W|P| Anonymous|W|P|Well, looks like he's also against pre-emptive war, so maybe there's one thing you can agree with him on.

Also, there is a classic study that put people into a situation where they *thought* they were delivering strong electric shocks to others, but weren't. Most people went along with it because some guy in a lab coat said they had to-far less threatening than a guy with a gun. I know we'd all like to think that we would stick to our consciences, but until you get into that situation, you really can't tell. And since ethics is different from what it was in the 60s, that's not a study we can really replicate anymore.

-Kathryn4/20/2005 10:27 AM|W|P| Rudicus|W|P|I totally agree with you Kathryn.

I'm just saying it's a bit hard for me to swallow that he's justifying his behaviour by saying he didn't have a choice and then turning around and ruling with an iron fist to the point where he is not giving anyone else a chocie but to follow his philosophy or suffer the consequences.

Either that type of behaviour is ok or it's not. So either he's a nazi or he's not - you can't be against fascism and then employ fascism in your church practise.

If you can, then it's situational and that's relatavism, the very same concept that he himself is saying is destroying the church.

Thus goes the great hypocritical Pope Eggs Benedict XVI.4/20/2005 10:32 AM|W|P| Anonymous|W|P|Well we shall have to wait and see won't we, but I do believe Pope Nazi is a HUGE step backward for humankind, women in particular with birth control issues, and lets not forget about homosexuals, its not like this Pope will acknowledge them with the human dignity that they along with everyone else so rightly deserves. This is certainly a sad state of affairs. I wonder how long before the next Inquisition - Marcie4/20/2005 6:53 PM|W|P| Buzz the Windling|W|P|How do you know that he is going to rule the church with a "Iron fist"? Just because he wants to stick with the traditional rules, and not go willy nilly changing institutions that have been in place for a thousand years or more, does not mean that he is going to run rough-shood over everyone that disagrees with him.4/20/2005 7:48 PM|W|P| Joey|W|P|Background:

German Cardinal Josef Ratzinger was elected Pope Benedict XVI Tuesday. Ratzinger, who turned 78 last Saturday, was viewed as a favorite to succeed Pope John Paul II who died earlier this month.

Ratzinger, once a teenage infantryman in the German army at the end of World War II, and then briefly an inmate in a U.S. prisoner-of-war camp, had repeatedly stated he would like to retire to a Bavarian village and dedicate himself to writing books. But recently, after recovering from serious health problems, told friends he was ready to "accept any charge God placed on him."

As dean of the College of Cardinals and prefect of the Congregation for the Doctrine of Faith, Ratzinger had been closer to John Paul II than any other prince of the church. The Pole and the German were intellectual bedfellows. For almost 20 years, they met at least once a week, usually Fridays, for a 90-minute discussion of doctrine and discipline. A working lunch followed, lasting often until late in the afternoon. A theological liberal of sorts in his youth, Ratzinger was later nicknamed the "Panzerkardinal" for his iron hand in bringing Marxist priests in Latin America and clerics with more-liberal views on sexual ethics to heel.

Ratzinger is viewed as a gentle intellectual and pianist admired by his compatriots when he was a professor of fundamental theology and, later, archbishop of Munich and Freising. Ratzinger has recently described Christianity as "tired" and has bemoaned the "almost total collapse of
Christianity in Europe," while recognizing movements of revival are making headway.

As a native of Germany, cradle of the Protestant Reformation, Ratzinger is intimately familiar with Lutheranism -- all the more so as he is an expert on St. Augustine, whose theology has greatly influenced the thinking of Martin Luther, a former Augustinian monk. Like John Paul, Ratzinger considered evangelization and fidelity of faith the church's top priority, especially in the light of the growth of Islam in Europe and particularly in Italy where it is estimated to be the predominant religion in as little as 20 years' time.

"In this situation, we need someone who is forthright in what the church teaches. We need consistency in our teaching, otherwise Muslims will not listen to us," the Rev. Anthony Figueiredo, a former secretary of John Paul II, said earlier this month. "That's why Ratzinger is so important -- he will not flinch."

In his homily at the special mass that started the conclave's secret voting April 18, Ratzinger spoke out in defense of church doctrine. He railed against "the dictatorship or relativism,'' a comment Vatican watchers took as a manifesto that the new pope should not seek to ease the Church's opposition to women clergy, homosexuality and the use of contraception.

Ratzinger speaks ten languages and has received seven honorary doctorate degrees. He is an accomplished pianist with a preference for Beethoven. He is the eighth German pope.

More on the war:

Joseph Ratzinger was born in Marktl am Inn, in Bavaria, the son of a police officer who was staunchly anti-Nazi. In 1937 Ratzinger's father retired and settled in the town of Traunstein. When Ratzinger turned 14 in 1941, he was required by law to join the Hitler Youth, but according to his biographer John Allen he was not an enthusiastic member. In 1943, at the age of 16 he was, along with the rest of his class, drafted into the Flak or anti-aircraft corps, responsible for the guarding of a BMW plant outside Munich. He was then sent for basic infantry training and was posted to Hungary, where he worked setting up anti-tank defences until he deserted in April 1944 (an offence punishable by death). In 1945 he was briefly held in an Allied POW camp.

Last Namesake:

A couple of Benedict XV's encyclicals that might shed some light on the selection of the name and thought process:

HUMANI GENERIS REDEMPTIONEM (On Preaching the Word of God June 15, 1917):

http://www.papalencyclicals.net/Ben15/b15human.htm

ANNUS IAM PLENUS (On Children of Central Europe December 1, 1920):

http://www.papalencyclicals.net/Ben15/b15anipl.htm

On names:

In the 20th century, three popes took the name Pius, one Benedict, one Paul, and one John. In 1978, the newly elected patriarch of Venice, Albino Luciani, combined John and Paul to become the first John Paul in papal history. In deference to Luciani, who died after only 33 days in office, his successor became John Paul II.

Choosing a new name as pontiff did not become a tradition until 996, when Bruno, the first German pope, became known as Gregory V. Named after a pagan god, the 6th-century priest Mercury changed his name to John II upon becoming pope.

Over the centuries, the most popular name has been John. Twenty-three popes have taken the name of Jesus' most beloved apostle, followed by 16 Gregories, 15 Benedicts and 13 Leos.

Benedict, which comes from the Latin for "blessing," is one of a number of papal names of holy origin such as Clement ("mercy"), Innocent ("hopeful" as well as "innocent") and Pius ("pious").4/21/2005 6:12 AM|W|P| The Lone Rangers|W|P|Nice Chick, good real background on the man.

Rudi baby- You don't know this man and I agree with Buzz just because he's going to go to "traditional" Catholic values doesn't mean he's a facist. Also because he was drafted into both the Hitler You and the German army doesn't mean he was a nazi.

My father was drafted at 17 into the Italian army just before Italy surrendered to the allies. He had a choice and it was be drafted or shot. My grandfather didnt talk to my dad for about 13 years because he made that choice (my grandfather fought in WWI as an American soldier) rediculous as it may seem.

Unfortunately my friends you will not see any reformation in the Catholic church until one of our generation becomes Pope. So maybe 26 years from now.4/19/2005 10:04:00 AM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|

I may have touched on this subject before, if so, here it is again.

I keep hearing about The Truth. Courts, religion, government, people - everyone is either looking for the truth or already knows it and is about to share it with you.

But my question is, can we EVER know the truth? How can we possibly know the truth about anything if not a single source of information is untainted.

Think about it.

The Government: Not only does the president outright lie to the public on a daily basis, but anything any government official ever says is a calculated statement so affected by political spin that there is no way to know if there was a kernel of truth to begin with.

The News: We all know about the liberal bias, and the new conservative bias, but what about all the stories that the Bush administration paid to have run, that were made up? What about all the journalist who have been caught - either embellishing, plagiarizing or outright inventing stories and facts? Now we even have "experts" appearing on TV who are being either coached or outright told what to say(sounds fair and balanced to me).

The Law: Most people don't like cops and lawyers anyway, but when you have the police and others doctoring videos to use as evidence (RNC protesters for those of you who don't read the news) is there any hope of reality.

Reality TV: not one second of any of this is real.

Courts: This is an Olympic Event for liars. There no truth at all, let alone the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Do you really think we will ever know if OJ did it or Michael Jackson or Kobe - no matter what the outcome of the trial?

Business: Enron, Tyco, Adelphia, Worldcom, AIG, Arthur Anderson, Fannie Mae - all sorts of truth going on there, NOT!

Healthcare & Science: Is your doctor telling the truth or is he in the pocket of big pharma? Is big pharma telling the truth? How are those NSAIDs treating you? What about those so called "studies" They are staffed and funded by the very companies that would benefit from the success of the test. What about the FDA? They are manipulating the facts too.

Religion: Well we already know about all the truth going on here.

This just scratches the surface. No matter where you go, there is not any hope of getting truth. You will never get to see the raw data, full quote, original unedited video, actual results or anything else that would allow you to interpret and make your own INFORMED decisions.

So what can we do? Use those critical thinking skills. When in doubt, DOUBT!

Skepticism is not a bad word - these days its a survival skill.

Want to have some fun - watch what you say for the rest of the day and the next time you hear yourself making a statement of belief about any given subject - ask yourself how you know and where you got your information from. I think you'll be surprised how many of your beliefs do not come from you vs. family, friends, TV, books, movies, government, church etc.

So the next time you are looking for the truth - don't bother, someone already beat you there and spun it.

|W|P|111392460321941211|W|P|The Truth?|W|P|4/19/2005 1:01 PM|W|P| tatia|W|P|Please tell me ASK RUDICUS is still an unbiased source of information because we need to know 'How do you look like?'4/19/2005 1:06 PM|W|P| Rudicus|W|P|Ask Rudicus is it's own site so it would be unbiased - but I do not shy frm the truth - thus the only one you can completely trust is me.

"How do you look like" is coming tomorrow.4/19/2005 8:51 PM|W|P| Buzz the Windling|W|P|Most of these seem to me to be more about fact than truth.4/20/2005 8:07 PM|W|P| Joey|W|P|I would pay money to get you in a room with my boy Zeek. Oh my! I would make pop corn & serve beer while wearing Playboy Bunny suit. Oh, the fun.

I enjoyed this post, it was like we were sharing the same brain waves for a bit.4/20/2005 10:17 PM|W|P| Rudicus|W|P|Who is Zeek? As for the Playboy Bunny Suit, I thought that was more of a birthday suit. How about an Easter Bunny Suit, that would probably be less distracting ;)4/18/2005 11:52:00 AM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|

OK - Here we go!

Ask Rudicus is Live! (click the title)

I decided to do a new blog to keep it all clean.

Please feel free to give constructive comments while we develop the site. I'm going to have folks post or email questions and then I'll answer - for those that want to answer as well - you can do that in the comments - once in a while we may have guest answerers if that looks like fun.

Come by and ask a question, it's free!

Try getting your therapist, priest, consultant or coach to do that!

|W|P|111384337526968547|W|P|Ask Rudicus.|W|P|4/16/2005 05:08:00 AM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|

Click the above link (in the Headline)

It turns out that all those seals that were killed in Canada - was a false story. (Sorry TLR).

You've gotta love it.

Canada is SAVED!

O' Canada! Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah, O' Canada Something Something Something Something!

|W|P|111364636299017012|W|P|It's ALL Lies, Canada Rules!|W|P|4/16/2005 10:23 AM|W|P| The Lone Rangers|W|P|It still happened Rudi, he just fabricated some details.

A quote from your own article:

that in 98 percent of cases it (the hunt) is done in a humane way," he told Reuters in a telephone interview.

Uh huh a human massacre.4/17/2005 5:31 PM|W|P| Mr. Pants|W|P|Canadians are too bland for scandal.4/18/2005 11:43 AM|W|P| aBitWicked|W|P|I love Canadians4/18/2005 12:29 PM|W|P| AVA|W|P|Canada is actually the most liked country by the rest of the world.4/18/2005 5:35 PM|W|P| Glod|W|P|On vehicular based city tours in America, you get picked on for losing some war (if you're British). But in Canada, you're amongst friends (if you're British).4/15/2005 10:09:00 AM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|

I had an idea. As we all know, I know everything about everything. So in an effort to help people and have some fun, I wanted to start some kind of "Ask Rudicus" thing - where people could ask me anything - about me, about them, about life, relationships, work etc. What do you think would be the best format? A new blog? Email questions and post questions and responses? Let me know what you think.

I've also been toying with the idea of writing a book/workbook. You've heard of "How to think like Leonardo DaVinci" well I was thinking about something like "How To Think like Yourself" Basically a primer on critical thinking and how to see and call BS so that you don't get hoodwinked at work, but potential realationship partners, used car salesmen, politicians, the news, the church etc. It would also be about looking at limiting beliefs and ideas that were given to you by others that you never questioned that may be clouding your judgement or holding you back.

What do you think of that idea? Would anyone want to do some sample excercises as they were developed? Do you think anyone cares about this subject?

Thanks in advance.

|W|P|111357858171213823|W|P|Your Thoughts|W|P|4/15/2005 1:22 PM|W|P| aBitWicked|W|P|I think you should do the Ask Rudicus part like The Lone Rangers does DQTW##, unles TLR has like a copyright or something ;).

Im sooo looking forward to this new sectioooonnn!!!!4/15/2005 3:52 PM|W|P| The Lone Rangers|W|P|I have copywrite, don't try it. I have lawyers, big ones with briefcases and guns and stuff too.

I like the ask Rudicus idea, a lot. It should be a post and discuss so people don't think your making stuff up like your prone to.
Like how do I get stains off of my sox? Why does Ava's feet smell like doritos? Why do you keep copying my ideas (for like the past 16 years)?4/15/2005 5:43 PM|W|P| tatia|W|P|Can I ask the first question? No that wasn't it.

Does anyone know a patent office with a sense of humor? No wait I have a better question.

Where can I buy "How to think like Rudicus" and more importantly how will I carry all 29 volumes home on my bike?4/15/2005 6:05 PM|W|P| AVA|W|P|Ok, first of all, my feet don't smell like Doritos, that's just gossip ;)
"Ask Rudicus" is a great idea, only you'd have to specify what kind of questions u can answer... do we get to ask for advice? ask personal q's? ask 4 information about any subject?
Do you really know everything?? cause then I can stop doing research on any subject and just ask you, right?4/15/2005 9:40 PM|W|P| Ailyn|W|P|u could always make the ask rudicus blog more of a collaborative effort where more than one person can answer.

also, i love the idea of the book.4/15/2005 10:58 PM|W|P| The Lone Rangers|W|P|How to Think Like Leonardo Davinci WAS a great primer. You could easily do as well. But of course, I didnt think of it first4/16/2005 9:46 AM|W|P| Big Dog|W|P|I have a better idea. Pick 2 or 3 or 4 of your favorite bloggers. (Of course I would be one, since this is my idea). First, post a question. Email the question to the "advisors." Then post 3 or 4 different answers. This would show there is always more than one answer.4/16/2005 2:10 PM|W|P| tatia|W|P|When I first read this I thought the book was "How to think like Leonardo DiCaprio". I got all excited :(4/18/2005 9:59 AM|W|P| AVA|W|P|I like Big Dog's idea...
If you want your book to sell, you better name it "How to think like Leonardo DiCaprio", you'll have a greater audience :)4/18/2005 10:16 AM|W|P| Anonymous|W|P|Ask Rudicus - would definitely be an interesting read! You have very strong (err, to put it mildly) opinions on every subject, not that you are a know-it-all or anything, ha ha ha ha.4/14/2005 12:40:00 PM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|

As we wave goodbye to all of our formerly vaunted institutions, it's nice to see no stone is left unturned. Pope John Paul II has been dead for all of a week and there is such an outcry to make him a saint that it is affecting the choice for the new Pope, because they may not select a new Pope who is unwilling to "saintfy" Johnny Paul.

Well obviously it's all gone now - we can't even rely on the integrity of saints - it has gone the way of knighthood, president, award winner, and everything else to become nothing more than an ego-jackoff for famous people based on their popularity vs. anything of major significance.

When was the last time someone was knighted for being anything other than famous? I guarantee you if I have to charge off to war, I sure as hell don't want Elton John and Paul McCartney leading the way!

I expect nothing less from a world that worships fame and attractiveness. If you want a hero read a history book. Michael Jackson, Tom Cruise, Sean Connery, Julia Roberts and Madonna are not world leaders, scientists, social reformers, warriors or anything else - they haven't done anything for anyone, they're just famous people. I like their work too, but I'm not going to exalt them as royalty, nobility or deity.

Back to Pope Beatles. What happened to the three miracles? What happened to the five-year rule? I could see this coming right after Mother Theresa. I'm all for recognizing greatness, but throwing out the criteria for an award cheapens the award for everyone. These daysit's not hard to proclaim yourself or your work "award winning" since there are hundreds of groups that will give anyone an award for anything. If John Paull II can become a saint just because people liked him - couldn't anyone? Obviously there is no criteria or rules, so based on this, I have decided to declare myself a saint. I've decided to bypass the whole dying part as well, since that is no longer a useful measure either.

You may all begin praying to me at your leasuire. I think I'll be the patron saint of critical thinking, monkeys and bloggers.

Bless you my children.

|W|P|111350203214290837|W|P|Saint Rudicus.|W|P|4/15/2005 8:57 AM|W|P| AVA|W|P|Saint Rudicus, patron of monkeys, you might be a saint and all, but you're still going to hell.4/15/2005 9:07 AM|W|P| Rudicus|W|P|I know, I'm working on my base tan as we speak.4/12/2005 11:10:00 AM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|

This blog is part of an experiment concocted by TLR. Today's blog is written by me, satirizing TLR's blog. Enjoy.

Effervescence

His toes dug into the sand. They were all around him, he could see them coming. They stayed in the shadows, stayed out of the range of his knives. He could smell them, a mixture of sweat, feces and bananas. He could hear the monkeys chittering, but these weren't nice monkeys, they were bad, bad to the bone. They didn't want bananas, they wanted blood, his blood, and lots of it, maybe even all of it.

They had driven him to the beach and backed him up to the vast ocean. At least they wouldn't be coming from behind, or would they? He dropped to one knee and pulled out his boot knives. They were covered in blade black so they didn't glint in the moonlight. All his life he'd waited for this moment. Training to fight, to fight and to kill, and his enemy stood before him laughing.

The howlers were the worst, he could feel their evil shriek cut through his flesh. Then they came. The chimps gave the word and they moved forward slowly. Gibbons, Reesus, Capouchins even Pygmy Marmosets all gnashing their teeth, hoping for a taste of his blood.

He dove into the ocean. The monkeys screamed in anger. They thought he had run. They thought wrong.

Freddy had been waiting for him, swimming back and forth along the coast. Freddy positioned his nose under his feet and began pushing him back to shore. With lightning speed and accuracy borne of 5 years in Sea World, Freddy thrust him into the air back toward the shore.

He was airborne now, headed right for the center of them. They never expected the attack to come from above. They weren't ready. They weren't trained for this, not trained to kill. Minutes passed as the monkeys tried to regain their order, but he was too fast. His knives ripped into body after body after body until all that was left was a pile of fur and blood. He roared like a titan and returned to the sea to rinse off. He tossed Freddy the head of the lead chimp to play with.

Exhausted, he sat down and popped open an ice cold ginger ale and let out a big aaaaaahhhhhhh. The seagulls and crabs began to clean the beach of dead monkeys. Freddy went off to find mackerel and get laid.

As the sun came up, he knew it would be a good day.


DQTW99

When was the last time you smelled your own feet. I mean really smelled them. Why do you think feet smell and what do they smell like? Do you think all feet smell the same or are they different? Do you think feet smell like Doritos, if so, what flavor?

If you had to smell only one pair of feet for the rest of your life, who's would they be and why.

|W|P|111290772500010929|W|P|In the Style of The Lone Rangers|W|P|4/12/2005 8:03 PM|W|P| The Lone Rangers|W|P|Well I guess I can't use effervescence as a title.

MY SIDES ARE KILLING ME!!! I haven't laughed so hard in a long time.4/12/2005 9:14 PM|W|P| Joey|W|P|I was DYING while reading this!! TLR, I wanted to post a comment, but I had to hear your reaction first (loyalty...) Rudicus, that was simply wonderful! "...these weren't nice monkeys, they were bad..." ha ha ha ha4/12/2005 11:52 PM|W|P| Lisa|W|P|"Freddy went off to find mackerel and get laid"...lol, I was a goner by this point. Some really funny stuff! I enjoyed it very much.

TLR, you are admired. :)4/13/2005 9:19 AM|W|P| AVA|W|P|What can I say, this is brilliant!!! you couldn't have done it better, and funnier :)
Really, wow!! :)
As for the QTW, if I had to smell one pair of feet for the rest of my life, that would be mine, why? because they certainly don't smell like Doritos (any flavor).4/13/2005 10:46 AM|W|P| aBitWicked|W|P|Great post! haha this experiment was funny. I was picturing the monkeys like the image you have in your blog. ooohh meean monkeys...

About your question. Some feet smell like doritos, yes... others smell like rotten milk... others smell like vanilla...(im serious.. )

What feet would i smell? not avas.4/13/2005 11:14 AM|W|P| Gul|W|P|o god that was a really good one! ive been following the lone rangers blog for a while and hence had to come and see your version of his blogs. absolutely hilarious! excellant!4/15/2005 9:42 PM|W|P| Ailyn|W|P|awesome!4/11/2005 01:27:00 PM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|

I thought everyone would get a kick out of this link.

(click title for link)

Enjoy.

|W|P|111324409062192838|W|P|Thanks Kat!|W|P|4/11/2005 4:01 PM|W|P| AVA|W|P|I loved it. I wouldn't be in favor of the mandatory hugging, though. Shaking hands.. maybe.4/11/2005 7:58 PM|W|P| The Lone Rangers|W|P|MANDATORY HUGGING!!!

LOL good find!4/12/2005 12:24 AM|W|P| Ailyn|W|P|oh good she got it to you. she showed it to me earlier today and thought it would fit best on your blog :)4/08/2005 04:16:00 PM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|

Is it me or does almost everything that seems to go wrong in this country come from either Texas or Florida?

I've been casually watching and it seems uncanny.

Terri Shaivo - Florida
Notrorious Mel Martinez Memo - Florida
Election Fraud - Florida
Children abducted and slain by sex offender - Florida

Enron - Texas
Haliburton - Texas
Tom Delay - Texas
Snipers and Shooters - Texas
Statewide School Cheating Scandal - Texas
Most Executions in Modern history - Texas

I'm sure there is like a dozen more that I can't think of, but it strikes me as odd that everytime I hear about a scandal or corruption or anything else it always seems to come from Texas, Florida or of course Washington D.C..

What do these places have in common? Bushes.

Please stop fucking up my country any more than it already is.

|W|P|111299581530987902|W|P|Conspiracy or Coincidence?|W|P|4/08/2005 9:13 PM|W|P| tatia|W|P|I think the Texans would prefer to think of it as being the BIGGEST snipers, shooters, cheats, executioners, corporate thiefs (enron), corporate thiefs with connections (haliburton) and the biggest unethical politicians. Don't mess with Texas - its in enough of a mess already.4/11/2005 12:25 PM|W|P| Anonymous|W|P|Hey, not everybody in TX likes Bush, we just get out-voted.

completely unrelated link I thought you would find funny:
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2005/04/08/DDG27BCFLG1.DTL

-Kat4/11/2005 9:35 PM|W|P| Big Dog|W|P|And don't forget these Texas gems: Clara Harris the jealous wife who ran over her orthodontist husband with a Mercedes multiple times. And Andrea Yates who drowned her five children because voices in her head said to. All within the last few years in the yuppie Clear Lake section of Houston. Where I live -- howling at the moon.
http://bigdogslog.blogspot.com/2005/01/murder-tour.html4/12/2005 12:26 AM|W|P| Ailyn|W|P|so glad i left TX.
:)
but i miss some of the people there
:(4/07/2005 09:28:00 AM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|

This one is short and sweet (that's for you Big Dog!). But you're going to love it.

From the Land of The Packers, Cheese, Brew and Happy Days(that's Wisconsin) comes this gem.

A customer called yesterday to return a case of aroma therapy candles(they give them away as gifts to clients), when asked if they were defective, she said "not exactly" but she still couldn't use them and had to return them. WHY?

They smelled "asian"

How exactly does something smell "asian"? I can see something "looking" asian or "tasting" asian, but how do you smell asian? Do asians have a particular scent that I'm not aware of?

But let's say they do, why is smelling asian bad? Bad enough to have to return them.

"Dammit boy! What you been doin'? I smell "asian" on you."

"Nothing dad, I was just meditating with this aromatherapy candle"

"That dang candle smells "asian" get rid of it! Besides meditating is for queers, here's an automatic rifle, go play with that."

I decided to investigate a little further and found out that an interracial couple that I know goes to Madison, WI to visit her father once a year, but during the visit, they literally don't leave the house.

OK! Well we can just put Wisconsin on the list of places not to visit.

I wonder what smells "white"? Probably mayonaise, I wonder if Yankee Candle makes those?

|W|P|111288508059630546|W|P|Smells like Racism.|W|P|4/07/2005 10:41 AM|W|P| Lotus|W|P|Good grief, that's ridiculous.

Hmm, think you are right, mayo for white or even better no scent at all, lets not offend anyone!4/07/2005 12:16 PM|W|P| AVA|W|P|I wonder what the "mexican" smell would be like.4/07/2005 12:54 PM|W|P| Rudicus|W|P|"mexican" smells like Pace Picante Salsa, made by folks in San Antonio by folks who know what salsa smells like.

Everyone knows that one Ava. Jeez.4/07/2005 6:48 PM|W|P| Anonymous|W|P|When I read that, I thought perhaps the customer was referring to Asian spices or Asian food...just curious, why would you think they were referring to people?

-Kat4/07/2005 11:39 PM|W|P| Big Dog|W|P|Ha - short and sweet -- good job, gold star. Madison is a liberal college town, I thought. It was probably just an excuse to return some ugly candles.4/07/2005 11:40 PM|W|P| Ailyn|W|P|Ava I thought Mexican smells like beans?

=)4/08/2005 8:01 AM|W|P| Rudicus|W|P|Anonymouse - Even if they were referring to food or spices, the implication is that there is something wrong with that. If the lady had said they smelled like curry and it wasn't a pleasant smell, that would be different, but by saying it smelled "asian" (which is a racial adjective), there is the implication that it is a negative because of affiliation vs. scent. She didn't say they smelled bad, just "asian"4/08/2005 2:04 PM|W|P| aBitWicked|W|P|there is nothing wrong with smelling mexican, or asian, or african... as long as we all take showers on a daily basis...

diversity is ... Awesome!!!

ava.. you know what you smell like sweetie... want a description?4/08/2005 4:43 PM|W|P| AVA|W|P|Haha. I'd rather smell like salsa than beans!! that's for sure. Wicked is also from MX, so she smells like tequila.4/08/2005 9:05 PM|W|P| tatia|W|P|Oh no, I'm going to sound like a racist but --I know the smell--
I used to work with several hmong girls who as a tradition would get together with family about once a month and make 1000s of egg rolls. I guess they are easier to make in an assembly line. The smell would permiate everything and stay in their hair and clothes for days. I didn't mind the smell, it just made me hungry. Those little hmong girls are bite sized anyway. Good thing I'm not racist!4/12/2005 9:59 PM|W|P| Joey|W|P|I think white would smell like cotton. Or Cala Lily. Mayo is kinda gross smelling, like an infection or something? Maybe it's just me.

I am with you, Kat...I think I know what the customer meant by Asian smelling...I am sure that they did not mean Asian people smelling...but Asian Spice smelling. I imagine the scent to be like a woody - musky - pier one - like scent. Could give a person a headache if they were not into that sort of thing.4/13/2005 11:20 AM|W|P| Gul|W|P|shocking... wierdnesss at its heights! to smell like an asian... hmmm... actually i think thats the most ridiculously funny comment ive come across ever.... especially if u think of a candle, smelling asian. *shakes head in absolute disbelief*4/06/2005 12:53:00 PM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|

The U.S. has been compared to the Roman Empire lately and it seems appropriate that we have our own Nero in the form of the Republican Party or more specifically the Bush Administration and it's lapdogs (I don't want to offend any real Republicans).

Continuing it's public rhetoric that everything is fine, it looks far from fine to anyone who is actually paying attention - which is only about 1% of the population, so it may be a moot point, but who cares!

Here's the latest scorecard:

Status of Afganistan and Iraq - Unprecedented Quagmire!
Administration Response - Everything is fine.

Status of Social Security reform - DOA
Administration Response - Everything is fine, we'll just spend more taxpayer dollars beating this dead horse.

Status of Military Recruitment - all time low, will not meet goals or troop strength required
Administration Response - Everything is fine, we said we wouldn't have a draft, so we'll just Shanghai anyone who's ever worn a uniform and won't let anyone leave.

Status of Transparent Goverment - Bush Administration is most secret goverment in history
Administration Response - Everything is fine, just read the prepared statement and bar anyone who doesn't do exactly what we say from any public forum.

Status of Economy - In the toilet: stock market dying, highest gas prices in history, poor employment, weakest dollar ever, inflation looming
Administration Response - Everything is fine, we created over 4 jobs last month, well actually they all went to illegal aliens that clean my yard, but it still counts right?

Status of Corruption - Administration is somehow connected to every major scandal in the country - voter fraud, election rigging, false news stories, propaganda parading as news, Haliburton and other corporate scandals, intelligence failure, false pretense for war, poor war planning - all topped off with Tom Delay already admonished by the ethics committee three times and currently under investigation for numerous illegal activites and other unethical behavior.
Administration Response - Everything is fine, it's just liberal sour grapes and partisan politics.

Status of Separation of Church and State - Unparalleled intrusion of one religion into government and used to make policy, an implicit conflict with the constitution.
Administration Response - Everything is fine, God is on our side, you are powerless to stop us.

Status of Queer Fear - Unprecedented discrimination and hate all wrapped in biblical fervor.
Administration Response - Everything is fine, we hate fags.

Status of Good Goverment - Lowest approval rating for a second term president EVER!
Administration Response - Everything is fine, you people were dumb enough to let me and Karl Rove steal back to back elections, the truth was bound to come out sooner or later.

Three More Years!

|W|P|111281139990352794|W|P|Fiddling While Rome Burns.|W|P|4/06/2005 5:56 PM|W|P| The Lone Rangers|W|P|Beautiful LOL. I love the seperation of Church and State official response.4/07/2005 10:40 AM|W|P| Lotus|W|P|This is great.4/05/2005 09:35:00 AM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|

Apparently the Republicans aren't the only ones looking to use the nuclear option when they don't get their way.

The White County School System in Georgia has been fighting the formation of a gay-straight allaiance club for awhile now - first denying it, then allowing it under a new non-gay name. But because they still don't like the idea of anyone actually trying to get along with gays when they should be hating them and discriminating against them like the Bible says to do, the principal is considering eliminating clubs alltogther just so this one doesn't go through.

I guess it's not surprising that this prinicpal and his cronies are acting like a bunch of high school kids, since that's where they work, but give me a break. This would be like congress trying to eliminate the judicial system because they don't like the Terri Shaivo decision...oh wait that IS what they want to do.

Personally I had no idea gays were so powerful and scary that we have to eliminate all extra curricular activities in school just so nobody can try to get along with them.

I think we need to harness this power and use it as our own nuclear option to take over the world. Think about it - between Atlanta, P-Town and San Fran, we have alot of natural resources - probably the most in the world - we could keep everyone at bay and in control through the threat of our gay arsenal. Forget "Star Wars" we have the "Fab 5"!

"Hello, Kim Jong-Il, Bush here, listen, you better knock it off or we'll send a bunch of gay guys over there"

"Iraqi insurgents we have you surrounded, there are homosexuals placed strategically around your position, surrender now and come out with your hands up."

"Dammit, Columbian drug lords have kidnapped a senator's daughter and are holding her hostage, I want those queers in the air in 5 minutes!"

"Tell me what you know!"
"Never, you can torture me all you like, I'll never talk"
"That's what you think!"
"Wait, is that two guys getting married and being happy together, NOOOOOOOO! You bastards that's my only weakness, I'll tell you everything, just make it stop!"

The police could even use gays instead of tasers and tear gas.

Finally we will have peace throughout the world.

|W|P|111271290950583409|W|P|The Nuclear Option.|W|P|4/05/2005 5:20 PM|W|P| AVA|W|P|Hahah. This is hilarious :)
I still can't believe it's happening though. I even had to look it up to read some more about it.
I live in such a "gay-friendly" small world, that very often I forget this stuff still goes on in our days. But I guess you're right, homosexuality is still a long way from being completely accepted as a valid and respectable form of love.
Yesterday I got asked by my parents if I allow my gay friends to kiss in my presence... I won't go on about my answer 'cause I don't want to get angry all over again.4/01/2005 08:06:00 AM|W|P|Rudicus|W|P|

This is an interesting idea. Comes from TLR.

You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451, which book do you want to be?
The Great Brain by John D. Fitzgerald

Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?
It depends - plenty from movies and comic books - can't recall any from literature.

The last book you bought is:
Sin City - Frank Miller, Conan - Robert E. Howard, Shadow of The Giant - Orson Scott Card, Is It Too Late To Run Away and Join the Circus - Marti Smye (I buy a lot of books)

The last book you read:
What's The Matter With Kansas - Thomas Frank, The Meq - Steve Cash (awesome!), Chainfire - Terry Goodkind (I also read alot of books)

What are you currently reading?
Jonathan Strange and Mr.Norrell - Susanna Clarke, The End of Faith - Sam Harris, Freethinkers - Susan Jacoby, The Age of Reason - Thomas Paine (I also read alot of books at the same time)

Five books you would take to a deserted island and why?
(I'm going to assume that survival is not an issue since that would pretty much leave me picking survival books, medical books and primitive technology books)
1. Ishmael/Story of B/My Ishmael - Daniel Quinn - a great series that really shaped my worldview.
2. The OED(complete edition) - It pretty much covers everything - something I've always wanted to have and read and re-read.
3. An Encyclopedia - I'd have plenty of time to learn alot.
4. A complete language textbook for as many languages as I could get away with.
5. The Bible - it's really long and I could spend many years picking it apart, while enjoying some of the stories.

Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 persons) and why?
1. Big Dog - so he'll have to write something longer than 5 sentences
2. AVA - because I'm curious about her answers and I like the way she thinks
3. Lotus - so she'll have something to post (just kidding)

Nice one!

|W|P|111236255579038082|W|P|Challenge Accepted.|W|P|4/01/2005 2:04 PM|W|P| AVA|W|P|I didn't think you were going to answer that :) Cool. I'll do it.4/06/2005 8:53 AM|W|P| Lotus|W|P|Hey, I have been busy!